attracting tourists back to Nature...?

In 2011 the Mail & Guardian reported on prostitutes posing as fake hunters on game farms around South Africa.

 

Prostitutes on game farms – game on

If reports of Thai prostitutes posing in game farms around the country are to be believed I’m positively excited about my next game drive. I’ve been on a few game drives before and always felt there was something missing. 
I can remember once, years ago, getting really angry at my friend when she fell asleep minutes after we entered through the main gate at Chobe Game Reserve in Botswana.
 “Sit up, dammit,” I told her, “this is costing us a fortune.” Turns out she had a point as we didn’t see much more than impala and the occasional giraffe, which is why I’m so glad that now, years later, I have the unbelievable opportunity to take her and her two kids to see a real live South African prostitute. In the wild.

We’ll have to wait for the Parks Board to get a good cull in of course. It’ll be hard to explain to the kids what an alien Thai prostitute is doing scrubbing around in Lowveld thicket, or why East Block prostitutes can be seen galloping across the planes in the Northern Cape.

As soon as I get word that they’ve cleaned up the parks I’m taking the four of us to the Kruger National to show the young ones our Fauna and Flora and Fiona in all their natural splendor.

For the first night I’ll book us into the picturesque Berg-en-Dal restcamp. From here we can explore the lower half of the park where I expect to see a lot of Port Elizabeth prostitutes; their short, stocky legs well suited to the rocky terrain. Being from the Friendly City your typical Motherwell hooker is a lot more approachable than most prostitutes and if we play our cards right we might even get close enough so the kids can stroke the prostitutes gently on their heads (this is of course against the rules, but show me the person who hasn’t got out of their car in the Kruger and I’ll show you a liar).

 From Berg-en-Dal  we’ll travel to Olifants restcamp to drive around the park’s northern region. Cape Town whores will no doubt herd together in the North. The northern part of the Kruger is very similar to the streets of Greenpoint and Sea Point with lots of open space where they can run freely without their curlers getting stuck in the bush. Cape Town hookers are very outgoing and I’m pretty sure we’ll see large herds majestically posing in the open.

On the Sunday night we’ll stay at Mopani restcamp where I’m hoping for a miracle in the Pioneer Dam area. If there is one prostitute I’d really like to show the kids, it’s the very shy, very rare lesser spotted Beaufort West highway hooker. Ironically, highway hookers tend to stay away from the road in the wild, hiding in the underbrush only presenting themselves when an 18-wheeler comes around the bend.  Already on a tight budget I doubt we’ll be able to hire a truck of that size to lure these shy specimens from the bush and will maybe have to leave our camp before dawn to catch a glimpse of them in the early morning hours when they lie on the road soaking up heat from the warm tar.

Even if we don’t get to see a highway hooker I’m sure our trip will be a memorable one to cherish for years to come. Kids don’t get out that much these days and what better way to spend a weekend than spotting prostitutes in the Kruger? If all goes well they can tell their overseas friends one day of the time they saw real live prostitutes in the wild.
And yes, we even have them walking around in the streets.