7th September : BALKONOLOGY @ the Biscuit Mill

After a brutal winter of snow and rain falling from the skies like wooden stakes, the suave undead, aching for a social gathering befitting of their stature, are stirring in their lavish mausoleums.
For the news has reached them like the scent of the young, beautiful and mortal: The clans shall congregate once more in a celebration for the Masked Vampyre Ball – 1819!

The master has sent for James to polish his most expensive Twoshoes for when the clock strikes 21:00 the precocious young vampires of the Imp-aler Orchestra under the conductorship of the Esteemed Lord Vlad the VI  shall serenade the ballroom of the undead with symphonies of the great composer, Maoriginal. The non-blood relations that make the duo of Nôze, has also sent a missive confirming their attendance.

In Cloak Towne, the Nomadic Orchestra shall have even the most distinguished guest swinging like a rabid bat from the crystal chandeliers. In the old Transvaalania we have summoned Bram Stoker himself to read from his classic tome.

This event, dear reader, will be a opulent blue-blooded affair. Guests are reminded to make their preparations in due time as to not be caught off-guard, for the revelry shall be such, that daylight might sneak up upon the proceedings and vaporize the ill-equipped!

For the brave amongst us, throw a roll of the dice and partake in the game of chance. Receive a Kiss or get bitten by Santanico Pandemonium, primary Queen Vampyre, rescued by our brave team from the ruins of the Titty Twister.

Hematologists unite, for there will be blood.

Lineup:
Noze (France)
Vlad & the mini Imp’alers Orchestra (Transylvania)
Bram Stoker, Live readings from his classic novel -JHB only-
Nomadic Orchestra -CPT only-
Toby2shoes
Maoriginal

Tickets: R160 presold, R200 at the door
Outlets:
Truth Coffee, 36 Buitenkant Street 021 2000440
SKA – 161 Long St. – 021 426 5025
SKA – Kalk Bay 17 main rd. – 021 788 7437
SKA – Observatory, 105 lower main rd. – 021 447 6014,
Cavendish Centre (connect): 021-6711367


info:
www.thebeanstalk.co.za
maor@thebeanstalk.co.za
0722115563

Event organized as part of the France-South Africa Seasons 2012 & 2013.

2 tickets up for grap for Kill the DJ tour in Cape Town!!!

For Toy Toy's first birthday and part of the Season of France, the Jozi-based underground house and tech brand is celebrating with Kill the DJ from France. 

Catch Ivan Smagghe, widely considered France's most wanted radio host and Chloé, well known for her ability to captivate the dance floor as her dark, sensual undertones bring her music to life. 

Alongside these internationals, catch Killer Robot and Monique Pascal.

Win 2 tickets for Cape Town's Party at Fiction, Long street, 15th September, by following this blog and answering the following :

Name one of Chloé's album!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

The funny stories in our jobs...?

So alright, many people think that working for a foreign ministry is a cushy job.. they also think that their taxes as misused and that people working for the foreign ministry are bound to be entirely at their services...(I mean, why else would those people work at a consulate for??)

"Being an asshole is not a handicap, park elsewhere!"

Personally, I lived abroad since I was 19, and never never never, would it cross my mind to even consider going to my country's consulate for things that I now know are or could be made possible by the consulate's staff ; things that they are actually there for...(but maybe I am just naive, or just a hands on person who prefers sorting herself out rather than seeking for help...?)

Anyway,I recently heard some stories from other consulate staff (including other European countries) that made me laugh so I thought I would let you know what some people come and ask us to do...so you have a rough idea of our daily lives.. ** for confidential reasons, no countries or names will be mentioned but I assure you that those are mixed stories from mixed people from mixed countries (yeah that type of giant orgy)

Apart of general inquiries about "where to have Christmas dinner in Cape Town", or request to the consular staff to "meet someone's dog on arrival at customs and help it through the customs process", or even request on "tips for best fishing spots and where to find the most popular fish bait", or even request to staff to help fix a broken geyser, or request for drug dealers contacts for fixes.. we do have a collection of funny stories :

A request came in from a man who had been left stranded at the airport (semi naked and bonded) by his dominatrix girlfriend - Needless to say that it took a while to have him un-cuffed by the police before getting him home.

who am I????

A young lady comes in swiftly into the reception with an old man asking to see someone for a passport renewal. By the time someone came to attend, the lady was gone but had left the older man alone with a note hanging from his neck "I am old, I have Alzheimer, I am french, please send me home" - Needless to say that it took hours trying to just figure out who that old man was as he was abandoned by his girlfriend with no papers and no money.

Someone comes in asking to see someone as a matter of urgency, because an alien invasion in about to take place and we need to evacuate the country! The aliens are on their way, it was told to this person and we must leave at once before their spying devices reach us and get inside our bodies... the poor lady was also convinced that she was pregnant with an alien baby and refused to pee in the loo as she was scared something would go up her bum, so urinated in a glass vase belonging to the consulate and was convinced that they were baby aliens inside her urine. She was taken to the doctor (as she requested to have an aids test done, escorted by a consular staff) and carried her urine with her all along...she also nearly stole a staff lunch bunch as she needed to go for a number two....

We are laughing at some of the poor requests that come in across different countries, and some of the sordid stories that we do come across, and gosh, there are tons of those, but we do have some serious requests for help... and those are the deeds we need to allocate more time on... so please... do not call your consulate if you need the words "I love you" to be translated in Afrikaans, or if you want to know what to wear to a braai, or even if you are looking for recipes or builders or drugs... Google is a great friend when it comes to helping you out, give it a go and you'll never have to call your consulate ever again!!!

If you have any funny stories you would like to share, please mail pop us a line!! :)

Cape Town and the hunt for the snow

So for some of you who have been away from home for many years, there are things in life that you used to dislike for which you would today literally kill to have again.

And I have many!! So I could list all the weird food I would kill for (like confit duck gizzards and haribo rolls) but there is something yet more silly I've been missing for many years.
That burning feeling on my hands, face, and legs... That crispy deep noise when you walk on it and the painful feeling when you slip and fall ass first on it : SNOW!

Rumor has it, you can see snow close to CT, and where there is rumor, I just have to see it to believe it.
So my bf organized for this long week end to secretly take me away on a romantic trip by the sea, but I had other plans...

After an exhausting search for the perfect and available place, reflections has actually found us!

Not a  broken car, nor any other mystical last minute horror misadventure would have stopped me on my hunt for that feeling... We'll be going to Tulbagh, just past Ceres where it says to snow sometimes...

While France is finally hitting summer temperatures, and Cape Town is drowning in rains, I have decided to pack my bags and see the snow for myself. Couple of days earlier, there were snow reports close to Durban and Jhb where it just never is likely to snow. I was officially jealous!!

So after getting slightly lost, finally made it to the small town of Tulbagh.
We have found our week end home and settle in nicely.

Only problem : too warm and sunny! So, we decided to take advantage and went on the small lake and enjoy the sunshine. The week end had just started, I was still hopeful for a cold front!

Unfortunately, another sunny day the following day so we decided to visit the neighboring farms and go horse ridding with Antoinette and her daughter on her huuuuge farm ... While still trying to get hold of Ceres Tourist information center! (no response and last recorded message was from 14th July! Like hello! We are nearly in mid august people!)

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to just give it a go, drive to Ceres and find some snow! And how lucky was I, as just when arrived, the hail started followed by snow! So we drove as high as we could up the Matroosberg mountain..and snow there was! Oh Joy!!!!

There I was like a 5 year old child being told Christmas is coming early, and Yes, Christmas did come in August!!!!

In order to make it to the top of the mountain, you will need a 4x4 or 4x2 vehicle! But do not despair, as the reserve also organizes (for well behaved people as they told us) a ride to the top on this army like enormous 4x2 vehicle! So tourist or prepared, everyone can make a snow man!

Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did and way more than my poor bf whose feet froze after an entire 5 minutes! So come prepared!!!

Fitting in in Cape Town with some local Slang...A to C

So ok, you have just arrived in Cape Town!Yes, you have finally made it to the one of the wonders of the world...

Whether you have traveled the world already or dreamed about Cape Town from your couch for the last so many years, in order to get "welcomed" and "understood" in this hood, you ought to know couple of friendly or not so friendly things to say to a local (or not to say)..

Some of your may have seen this before...

Now... not so easy with 11 official languages in SA (wtf???) but below some of my favorite things easy enough to remember for our little European brains...

Ag 

Pronounced like the ach in German, but with a 'g' on the end. Roll that 'g'! "Ag, no man" - sign of irritation. Many purposes. Often used in "Ag Shame" - not a shame at all, rather to say ooooh it's so sweet!

Babbelas ('Bub-be-las')

A hangover. Normally a pretty damn bad hangover!

Befok, befuck                                                                                                                                           
Wild, crazy, excellent, great! This is used two ways: "he went befok" (he lost it completely!) or "that's befuck!" (that's awesome!) - Careful, don't get confused in the use or you might get befucked by getting punched in your face

Biltong

This is specially prepared dried raw meat, made from beef, venison or ostrich... You ought to try it as a aperitif, a snack or for your dog... bring it back home, people are fascinated by this stuff.

Boerewors

Farmstyle sausage or "wors". (Literally, "Farmers Sausage"). It is consumed in vast quantities on braais (bbq)all over the country. Also note a Boer is a farmer but also referred to as the white south African man from Holland...

Bokkie vs Boykie

Watch this one!!! Bokkie is a young, pretty lady; or girlfriend whereas Boykie is a little boy - So careful when used or your might come across as a Battie Boy (gay man)

Braai

Barbie, Barbeque..
Extremely popular SA occupation. Men take great pride in preparing this event; and is probably the only time the average South African man does something around the house! (just the messy part, the woman is still up for cleaning and preparing the salads!) Usually at these events, you will find the men around the fire, beer in hands, not making much of the cooking and the women in kitchen complaining about the men...a real must see for us foreigners..

Chips vs Crisps

Good luck with that one.. whether you want lays Crisps or hot chips, the same word is used!  

Crash

Not an accident, but a term for sleeping, or squatting at your place - "Do you want to crash out at my place? - Do you want sleep over at my place?"

Cookie

My favorit of them all, as it refers to the V-Gina!!! "

The next few days

After a very busy week end filled with french movies....

This week end I saw The beloved (I enjoyed the story line but not keen on the musical side of it)
Love lasts 3 years (definitely a must see, witty, funny and Louise Bourgoin is just beautiful)
Chicken with plums (some much darker sense of french Humour...)

It's definitely time to have a good time and add some vitamins into my life..

So join me and many others at Zula Bar this Wednesday at 9pm for :

Les doigts de l'homme - see their "my space page" here for more info

FRENCH FILM TICKETS UP FOR GRAB

You lucky People!!!! Yes, I have some spare tickets up for Grab for the French Film Festival!!!

To enter, simply become a follower of this blog, comment on this post by giving me a good reason why I should give you, yes you the tickets!!!

Tickets available for 2 people at the Cinema Nouveau at the V&A Waterfront

FRIDAY 3rd August  

6pm
35 shots of rum  
Americano 
8pm

Chicken with Plums

 

SATURDAY 4th August

3pm 

Love last 3 years

6pm

Beau Travail
Declaration of war

8pm

Farewell my Queen
35 shots of rum 

SUNDAY 5th August 

6pm

Love last 3 years
Chiken with plums

8pm

Angele and Tony
Americano